Tell me your tales of love. I am writing a book about the nature of love and sex as people age. It is my belief that though there is a diminishing pool of prospective mates, and that all of our flesh slowly fails, the romances we do have are deeper and more satisfying. We know ourselves better, we begin to come to terms with the beauties and limitations of the opposite sex, our illusions about the nature of love have passed, and we can pursue more realistic goals—which of course greatly increases our chance of success. We are also free of the need to reproduce (we have already, or we don’t plan to). We are increasingly sexually uninhibited; we now gaily wade where we wouldn’t have imagined dipping our toes in our youth.
Do you agree? Disagree? Do you have anecdotes that illustrate your viewpoint, one way or the other? I’d love to hear them.
Some more responses:
I definitely understand the innate differences between the sexes—trust me! But I think a major problem is the changing roles of women. As women continue to become more independent, what does a man really have to offer? Especially if you already have children. Why would I want to get entangled with someone I couldn’t connect with on an emotional level? Women have progressed and men are still operating within the Neanderthal mentality. Most anyway. I already suspect that I’ll need to lower my expectations, but I’m not ready to do that yet—if ever. Next life I’d like to return as a lesbian or man. 54
I will just say something that may perhaps be echoed by other women—I wish I had had the mind I have now when I was 20. I feel mature, self-assured, with very little angst about appearance (well, some about aging gracefully and trying to do crunches to control belly fat)—I am no longer jealous as I was when I was an insecure 20-year old with a womanizer boyfriend who had a yen for exotic and tame women. Now, I would never choose the “great white hunter” as a mate. 58
Very interesting assumptions. Men are visual, women are tactile. Therefore, when a woman physically diminishes, men are less compelled to respond to her profile. Men expect women to accept their physical changes, however, they are compelled to the wrong age group (younger) to do so. Again, therefore, as men and women age they don’t have a realistic snowball’s chance in hell to meet someone who is accepting of the natural course of life. At this stage, beauty is definitely in the eye of the beholder. 60
We may now take the time to feed our sensitivities and are one with our sense of mortality. The last train has arrived and if our grasp for the brass ring has eluded us before we want the golden one (no pun intended) now. Last call, last chance to spark our depth… Women want what we want and a man without passion is a burden to a woman. No offense to the opposite sex. Women make our way in all aspects of life and are capable of continuing to do so throughout a lifetime. It’s called security in self. A man similarly secure and free is a prize. 64