Confused by stories in the Bible? Imagine what they’re like when you’re about three weeks old. That’s when I first chomped into the words “Balaam’s ass,” right in my own Book of Numbers. This being the Bible, I first assumed that it was this:
But I also knew it could just be something like this:
It turned out to be this (I upchucked it just to be sure):
Some guy beat his donkey, and it refused to move.
And the book only went downhill from there.